Ok, so I have this theory of ceilings and floors... I think that everytime you are in a relationship the relationship has a floor of what is expected by each party and their is a ceiling given to what someone can do. This always makes kicking it difficult because you can often get caught in a situation where your floor was the other man's ceiling. There is nothing more annoying that when you get absolutely no credit for shit that the last man couldn't do... It's like if she was dating a broke dude, then she was happy when he copped that $80 dinner, but if you are not broke and you regularly spend $150, well that ain't shit and she won't give you the same amount of credit for that $80 until you spend $400.
That, in a nutshell, is the problem with the game. Credit just does not exist. I wish I could explain to folks what I go through without just bitching at the game. Let me tell you why dudes get frustrated, we go through a lot of bullshit for hook ups, or finding new spots, or the ability to entertain... You get on lists, get V.I.P., but none of that shit matters, cause what I have found is that most girls don't know how much it costs to kick it. I have honestly had people that I have spent like $200 a month on casually, say that it ain't shit. I have gotten groups of 6 into parties free sometimes when I'm not even there. I have bought all of her friends drinks whenever I see them whether she is around or not, but that doesn't matter either. And that is how the game works. See once you establish some shit as a floor you will never get credit for it. Credit of course becomes frustrating when you get stuck in conversations about the state of the union, and after your good and hard work that you thought was impressive you find out that you are considered fairly run of the mill. Now, I have had conversations about the exes so you know you are not universally run of the mill but where you are standard is that you live on your floor with occasional reaches towards the ceiling. I have actually been told that if I invite someone on one of my hook ups it should not mean shit to them because it was "free." This of course ignores that nothing is actually free and that I always could have taken someone else. Basically the rule is just don't expect there to be any recognition that we are talking about different floors and ceilings.
This is a difference between men and women I think. Men have much more of a universal floor and ceiling than one that is specific to the woman. This does not mean that men can't take a woman for granted but there is some credit for a lot more basic shit in my opinion. Like most dudes give you that jump credit for faking like you are willing to pay on date three, or actually taking me out once, or offering to cook. Basically anything that shows that $400/month when it is not a car note is not a throw off expenditure from your monthly accounts. Hell shit is currently so much realer with the $4 gas... It's a delicate balance, you don't want to wine about the game, but it is what we all hate about the game. I guess the honorable thing is we just don't do anything about it. Mostly because in the end I know I have been a low ceiling negro in my past. Yet, that does not make it less frustrating while you play through it.
In the end I have learned that if you want better luck i the future you need to understand a woman's past ceilings and floors. If your floor is too much higher than her last ceiling you may want to reconsider you future. You may thing you can handle it, but the pressure is hard when you can picture the dude that hit it for a cheesburger when you are paying for lobster... (crude? yeah... But its the game)
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Don't Wake Me.... I'm Dreamin-in...
Ok, so have you ever been in a situation where you are in a dating quagmire? I mean you're not getting what you want, you're not sure you could get what you wanted if you worked harder, plus you don't really feel like working harder anyway. What to do, what to do?
Well when you find yourself in this position, do absolutely nothing... This is called the fall asleep game. Fall asleep... It just like that old stereotype... Take a nap and everything will work itself out by the morning... Now to be clear I do not mean to insinuate that clarity will expose itself in one nights time, but leave it alone, it will all work out.
Example, you're out on a date with one of these really fine professional "post-feminist" types. This pretty much means their ideas on gender equality are fairly hypocritical and generally prone to be antagonistic to you in the beginning. She is much more likely to be an ass even if you pay for everything and are a perfect gentleman because she wants you to know that as an educated black man you really ain't all of that. You go on a date or two, you chat a few times, its cool, but she has the guards up and you can see she is gearing up for a lot of that bullshit. What do you do? Nothing... Not a damn thing, don't be rude but don't feel the need to do anything pro-active. Go on other dates... Basically forget her, it will really be fine. See for the next two weeks when you haven't called she may send you a coy text or something trying to draw you into a conversation where she wants you to ask her out. Don't fall for the bait, how do you answer a "hello" text? "Hi" how do you answer a "How are you?" text, with the ever popular "cool... busy" and walk away... You have answered one text, so you are not bitching at them but if they write back you don't have to answer the others... in fact you don't answer the first text for a few hours anyway so you're not a dick, and you are doing your own thing. In the meantime while they are living their own life they start to go through the math themselves... This is a good dude, he is educated, treated me nice on a date, I was on that bullshit, and now I am not sure if he is really being distant on purpose or if he really is just busy. Since he was nice before I will give him the benefit of the doubt... or not. And here is the great part of the game, instead of paying for more dates and wasting time, the person who is more adaptable to your current goals will self select themselves as the person who calls you back and who doesn't... and when they call you back they have already made the decision to be less of an ass with you so generally they are acting right. And the greatest part of all of this is that you are generally unaware of all the complicated machinations that have gone on because generally you were asleep. You only know it worked when you get the call that seems random out of the blue by that girl you almost forgot about except this time she seems so much nicer now. It's the greatest.
The fall asleep game doesn't just work on women, it is perfectly applicable to men. the internal machinations are different but what the hell do you care because when you wake up the shit is working out right. And it works for whatever your goal is... this is not just about getting a relationship, or getting ass, it is just a fairly effective training tool. The basic premises is that most people spend too much time being game theorists and trying to think everything out. Usually, if they are just chill its not so high stress and the fall asleep game is not necessary. But if they are always trying to work an angle, ignore their ass and let them either get in or get out. See its great, you want a low key dinner partner, just only answer them if there is a request for dinner, they will figure it out if they can handle it. You want them to stop fronting... It comes through if they are the type that can do it.
I know, I know, you don't believe it can be that easy. Converts to the fall asleep game only come through experience. But realize when you are too worried about what some person is thinking and what they are doing next the fall asleep game may be happening on you.
Bit of warning, the fall asleep game does not make you impervious to other game, its like rock paper scissors, it can beat some game, and it gets beat by some other, but more times than not the fall asleep has served me well and as a good friend I figured I'd share.
Au Revoir...
Well when you find yourself in this position, do absolutely nothing... This is called the fall asleep game. Fall asleep... It just like that old stereotype... Take a nap and everything will work itself out by the morning... Now to be clear I do not mean to insinuate that clarity will expose itself in one nights time, but leave it alone, it will all work out.
Example, you're out on a date with one of these really fine professional "post-feminist" types. This pretty much means their ideas on gender equality are fairly hypocritical and generally prone to be antagonistic to you in the beginning. She is much more likely to be an ass even if you pay for everything and are a perfect gentleman because she wants you to know that as an educated black man you really ain't all of that. You go on a date or two, you chat a few times, its cool, but she has the guards up and you can see she is gearing up for a lot of that bullshit. What do you do? Nothing... Not a damn thing, don't be rude but don't feel the need to do anything pro-active. Go on other dates... Basically forget her, it will really be fine. See for the next two weeks when you haven't called she may send you a coy text or something trying to draw you into a conversation where she wants you to ask her out. Don't fall for the bait, how do you answer a "hello" text? "Hi" how do you answer a "How are you?" text, with the ever popular "cool... busy" and walk away... You have answered one text, so you are not bitching at them but if they write back you don't have to answer the others... in fact you don't answer the first text for a few hours anyway so you're not a dick, and you are doing your own thing. In the meantime while they are living their own life they start to go through the math themselves... This is a good dude, he is educated, treated me nice on a date, I was on that bullshit, and now I am not sure if he is really being distant on purpose or if he really is just busy. Since he was nice before I will give him the benefit of the doubt... or not. And here is the great part of the game, instead of paying for more dates and wasting time, the person who is more adaptable to your current goals will self select themselves as the person who calls you back and who doesn't... and when they call you back they have already made the decision to be less of an ass with you so generally they are acting right. And the greatest part of all of this is that you are generally unaware of all the complicated machinations that have gone on because generally you were asleep. You only know it worked when you get the call that seems random out of the blue by that girl you almost forgot about except this time she seems so much nicer now. It's the greatest.
The fall asleep game doesn't just work on women, it is perfectly applicable to men. the internal machinations are different but what the hell do you care because when you wake up the shit is working out right. And it works for whatever your goal is... this is not just about getting a relationship, or getting ass, it is just a fairly effective training tool. The basic premises is that most people spend too much time being game theorists and trying to think everything out. Usually, if they are just chill its not so high stress and the fall asleep game is not necessary. But if they are always trying to work an angle, ignore their ass and let them either get in or get out. See its great, you want a low key dinner partner, just only answer them if there is a request for dinner, they will figure it out if they can handle it. You want them to stop fronting... It comes through if they are the type that can do it.
I know, I know, you don't believe it can be that easy. Converts to the fall asleep game only come through experience. But realize when you are too worried about what some person is thinking and what they are doing next the fall asleep game may be happening on you.
Bit of warning, the fall asleep game does not make you impervious to other game, its like rock paper scissors, it can beat some game, and it gets beat by some other, but more times than not the fall asleep has served me well and as a good friend I figured I'd share.
Au Revoir...
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