So last night I got stuck in a shitty conversation... Like real shitty... so I figured I'd vent, basically part of my life is basically like Hitch, had a fucked up interaction though not like the movie thing and sort of "adapted" for the future.
I wont say that I have turned off emotion but I am cautious. As a general rule I try my best not to hold the sins of the past against the present and the future but I got caught up because I was sort of asked not to hold the sins of the past against the perpetrator.
Like the whole set up is complicated, basically we were good friends, thought about the transistion into more than friends, I saw certain conversations one way, she swears she didn't, it came to a head we fell out the end. Five, yeah that's right FIVE, years later she comes back and basically states that she made the wrong choice, would have made a different decision if she had it to do over, and that she really wants her best friend back because I was her best friend and she doesn't even DO best friends. Mind you, all of this comes up at 1:00am, on IM... fucking great.
Basically our shit fucked up because of a mix of youth and bullheadedness and all types of other bullshit, and it prolly wouldn't have worked and I can understand that, however I was FUCKED UP, I mean really... Not because the shit didn't work but because of how the shit didn't work. I mean damn, if my "best friend" told me that they wanted to take the next step in our relationship and I didn't feel the same I would handle with care. I mean how can you truly believe that someone gives that much of a fuck about you when they basically shut you down cold and give you a mean ass bullshit answer that makes you feel like the entirety of your connection, romantic or not was completely in your own head. Then after all of that to come to you earnestly and ask you to drop the cynicism and be their sweet and wonderful best friend again.
The arrogance.... First, let's face it, life is hard, I have a long string of things that have led to my cynical perspective, her being one of them, yet she feels comfortable enough to ask me to drop it all because she happens to be lonely, or reminiscing or something. Basically it sucks because I am dropped back into thought that I don't really want to be in, and it makes me cast a critical eye at all of my current interactions because shit just doesn't fit... But I hate being HERE... Or the fact that I could even still get here over shit like this, or that I amy have to answer some dumb ass questions about the fact that this was my reaction, or whatever... it's not important enough to me to try and set the record straight, but for a moment.... damn its just the nerve of some folks... shit...
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