Folks who used to read this for a while know I used to write a lot about bad dates... However, I stopped having so many bad dates by adhering to guidelines but currently I have had more than a few people bitch at me about their bad dates so I figured I'd share some helpful hints that worked for me. I'll prolly address some of the other bad stuff later.
1. Fuck convention. Almost ever bad date I have ever had is steeped somewhere in convention. I don't give a rat's ass if everyone says dinner and whatever is a great date if you don't want to do that shit, don't do it. Nothing is worse than a $150 dinner where the conversation sucked and because you bought all that food you are not even buzzed.
2. Have a safety net for fun. What is a safety net for fun? well it goes along with number 1. I go on dates to bars where I can drink. If I am going to spend $150, I'm going to be fairly twisted so even if you suck I can send you home in a cab (cause you don't want me drunk driving you now do you...) and still pretty much enjoy myself cause I am twisted. If I ahve spent all that money and I am just full, that ain't good enough cause I still had to hear you talk...If we click, its cool, I had fun, you had fun, its all good.
3. Self select. See, when you pick to go on a date to a bar on a Tuesday you have already self selected yourself down to a better sample. See that uptight chick who is going to nag you forever about how you are such a fuck up for going on in the middle of the week and for knowing the names of like 25 different shots, prolly won't come out with you to a bar on Tuesday. The introduction of I am trying to get drunk in the middle of the week kind of tells her something about you, and if she rolls you at least don't have to worry that much about her being uptight. I mean sure there could be other problems, but generally not that she is scared to kick it.
4. If the money is going to bother you, don't go. I know, it seems harsh, but fuck it, when my money is funny I am SHADY. I admit it, but honestly I am not going to have much fun if I have to run a calacultor in my head to make sure I am not embarassed when the bill comes. You would not believe the number of dudes I meet that get to bitchin about being short ofr the month cause they thought they were going to go to the W (home of $14 drinks) and get out for under 40... not happening brother... let it go...
5. Say completely ass ignorant shit early and often. Just so that you can know if they are cool enough to think you are funny, but also so they know you are quite to ridiculous to be considered husband material right now. Just relax, enjoy the liquor, we will deal with all of those other serious questions after I figure out if you annoy the shit out of me or not. After all, why shoudl I waste time finding out your likes and dislikes when all I really need to know is that I could never marry anyone that chews her food like that, or laughs like that... see we all saved time and since you don't know shit about me, no one's invested, I'm just that guy you got drunk with once and we can still be friends...
6. Go directly after work. The other person should have a job, and this way you cut down a fair amount on the likelihood that the other person will be wearing something that is absolutely ridiculous. If they wore something ridiculous and sat through work in it, well you know what you need to know now and if you call them again its your fault. Yup, you are all to blame.
7. don't have multiple phone conversations before the first date. I know you think you are feeling the other person out, but honestly how are you supposed to know if they are lying... you don't know them or their body language at all. That is why the middle of the week after work thing is the greatest. You can see them stutter, search for the bullshit answers they think you want, and whatever, and you don't have to have false expectations that someone is different than they are because their phone game is tight. Not like you are really going to know anyone anyway since 80% of what you learn about someone in the first 3 weeks is complete bullshit. (you can quote me on that one!)
8. Vague is the name of the game. Youa re out with a stranger, why are you telling them all your shit? exactly, there is no reason, just relax, talk about fun shit, talk about dumb shit, do not have deep ass conversations because no one cares. At best its too much information, at worse you are giving them clues about who you are that they use later to fool you into thinking you have a connection. Honestly, no one remembers what they tell people in early date conversation. Even in really GREAT conversations... hell especially in those. Everything is just flowing and if you are just speaking the truth who knows what u said. just keep it light, don't need to know your parents knick names before I know your middle name... ya feel me?
9. Already have your background check done, or at least partially completed... There is nothing worse than that fear that someone you met is cool as hell but they got soooooo many potential dealbreakers out there. Its best to know what you can easily find out as soon as possible. I mean, hell, you know when you met you got the name, school they went to and occupation, better send that through your database and see who knows who you know. If someones rep is too bad, to obviously, why waste anyone's time or money, or play with people's emotions? exactly there is no reason...
All of these rules are basically modifiable to fit your personality. Ie, if you don't like to kick it like that, i wouldn't reccommend Tuesday dates in a bar... I mean that is just me though, but these pretty much assures that all of your dates can get at least partial credit as kicking it excursions even if things don't jump, which is as close to a win win as we get in this game...
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