So i was reading my homegirl Kamilah's great blog about the BBs or the Bitter Bitches, and it reminded me about something that more and more I am beginning to believe is a truth. The reality is that once you have reached a certain age, if you are single, with no prospects, damn near all of the people that know you know WHY you are single. It may not necessarrily be that your personality sucks (though sometimes it is that) it can be something as benign as that you want to be, or you are too focused on something else, but generally most people that have two conversations with you being single with no prospects would not be surprised. Now I am not sure what the cut off age is, but yeah most of us are past it, it is definitely somewhere in the mid 20s range, but anyway once you get to that point you sort of begin to wear your personality more and if you have a dysfunction it is usually front and center.
Of course your real friends love you and they honestly may not see it. I have to believe this because I have known too many women that I honestly believe to be intelligent who have asked, "why is my girl _____ still single?" to which I usually reply "are you fucking kidding?" (at least in my head.) Thing that is worse is that people who don't really know the person but have shorter interactions usually come to the same conclusions in a short period of time, which leads me to think that well it could still just be all of us that is tripping, but... yeah maybe its you.
Of course on the other hand I was having a convo with a friend and we were discussing a mutual friend who I suppose tends to be a bit extra. However, no one has told him that he is a bit extra, and he will get the occasional feedback based off of his resume, so pretty much what he may consider to be a decent batting average is in fact his despite of ranking. It is particularly sad when you realise the people who would have given him a better shot with slight modifications. Yet, no one has bothered to break this down to him. Now I know there are poltical realities where there are certain truths you just don't want to be the one to tell your friends. I mean its one thing to be honest enough to say that your outfit isn't cute, or you have put on a bit too much weight, its a whole other thing to say "yeah you know that personality trait that you think is cool, yeah... you're the only one... Everyone else things that sucks." Just doesn't go over very well. And basically strangers don't have the incentive to really make thie rlife difficult by exposing themselves to all sorts of name calling and the like for trying to help your self improvement.
Of course if both of these things are true, that basically means that everyone knows what's wrong with you, but no one will tell you... Now talk about some shit that is depressing. of course what is the solution... while I am all for re-thinking mean, constructive criticism only works if the person can sort of see the love behind it, and therefore will listen and not get defensive, and honestly that is not the case most of the time now is it. So basically, sad people go through life confused or left to dream about a future that is unfortunately in many cases within their power to achieve just they are at a shortage of self actualization and people that actually give enough of a damn to let them know... The rest of us just kind of get into the pattern of watching the train wrecks occur... That my friends is what we call a conundrum...
No comments:
Post a Comment