my boy just asked me what my ideal woman was... and it was kind of a strange question to think about seriously answering because I just don't have a real answer. I mean I have joke answers for days that are based on random shallow traits, but nothing that would make me get off my ass and try to hook something up, because in the end I guess it is all kind of nebulous, and you just have to feel how it goes, but also I guess I just don't have much faith in the whole relationship thing right now.
Just to back up a few things, first, I have thought that the idea of boyfriends and girlfriends was dumb as hell since high school. I mean if there is something I would rather do or someplace I would rather be I will go, and I feel like anyone should do the same. In high school it was worse because the concept of being "committed" when I wasn't planning on getting married seemed crazy. Now I am not saying this is my excuse to be out there like that, after all I a bit too paranoid for all of that, but I knew too many people that stayed in relationships for the relationship's sake. Now that I am older I see so many people that are getting married because they have been dating for a while and that's what adults do without putting any real thought into the future of the relationship and if folks every really were compatible and not just passing the time. I am prolly a bit more defeatist on the whole topic since I have been working as a divorce lawyer recently. But even before that it's not like I knew tons of happily married men. It was more men resigned to their lot in life, and a relativist view of the positives being on the whole better than the negatives, even if but barely. I mean come on that is not sexy.
So from that stand point, I guess I am a romantic, I think I prolly want something that I don't believe exists, so until I can find it in me to make more realistic standards, I keep most things shallow. I consistently tell myself, that in the right situation I will act right, but even that seems somewhat unlikely... at least right now...
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