A Million Little Pieces 8-14-06

A While a go my boy Ex mentioned in a blog that with every girl he deals with he gives them a little piece of himself.  Even if he just wants to bone...  That shit always stuck with me because I figured it was real dangerous.  Fact is, that with all the pimp talk that goes around the only way you can really be unaffected by relationships is if you keep a great distance between you and the people you interact with.

Fact is, when people break up, or cut shit off, or whatever you want to call it, we are all super hard.  You gotta be a punk ass to break down in front of someone that does not want to be with you anymore, so generally, no one cares, they bounce, its all good.  People go into therapy feeling worthless, undervalues, offended blah blah blah.  Fact is, there have been many women that I have valued, but for whatever reason it just isn't right, I am not a big fan of trying to make things fit so I am more likely to move away, yet since I move away in what seems like an easy decision I seem cold sometimes.  However, the fact is that in most relationships, whether friendship or relationship (dating or just sex) someone gets in, at least a little, maybe not that deep but they are there. The other fact is there are very few people that are so repugnant personally that as you learn about them and their lives that you would not care at all.  So in the end we carry the weight of all the people we ever deal with whether they ended good or bad, whether we were right or wrong, those pieces of ourselves that we have given and taken from all of the people in our lives weigh on us in everything we do and makes us who we are...

This is most important when I meet people who don't realize that even your shallow relationships touch your life if you are human, and start confusing all type of shit for love.  Missing someone does not mean you should be married, regret does not mean that you made the wrong decision, basically compassion is not love.  I care about the hard time that every person I have ever dealt with has had, whether their pain was my fault or not, yet I don't try to go back (too often) because I am not cyncial enough to believe that I don't care at all...  Even if I don't care enough to do right.  What I do try to keep aware of is that I don't give away too much of myself bit by bit that I lose myself, cause there ain't no coming back from that...