So I just came back from my little cousin's wedding. It was kind of a shocker because she is 23 and was the baby of our group of cousins, yet she is the first of the 4 girls to get married. Two of them are completely single and one has a boyfriend sorta... Anyway, talking to them and some of my other conversations in general remind me why the concept of dating usually just makes me tired.
First of all to me is the problem of what exactly does a date mean? By this I mean exactly how single does one have to be before they are dating. In my opinion, there are very few people who are basically normal in appearance and demeanor who are 100% single. I know this usually causes issues so I will try to explain further. We all know that sometimes you have a girlfriend, or maybe you have someone you are dating but you won't call them a girlfriend yet, but I don't consider you 100% single even when you have that "friend" of the opposite sex that you use as your relationship crutch. You know the person who you talk to for a while, and hang out with constantly, but you just don't touch because hey that would complicate things and you are just "friends." If that person is in your life, you are not single. If you have recently broken up with your ex and you still have those lingering conversations that you sometimes have with an ex out of habit, you are not 100% single. Hell even that person that you always know in the back of your mind will take you out/ go out with you but while you don't really want to you keep them in arms reach just in case... you are not 100% single. That being said, very few of us are 100% single so it leads to the question of what should be expected on a date. I have female friends that believe that once you pursue them they should be the only one, while I have others who believe that until there has been some time of formal commitment made (ie. engagement ring) the flood gates are open. Either way a difference in expectations can lead to serious issues.
Second issue is approaching someone in the first place. See, depending on how well you know me, you will understand that I am pretty nice to my friends and I will do tons for you, but I am an asshole. Actually, I am an egotistical asshole. I got real high standards for who I would spend my time with and unfortunately it’s not something I could figure out from a random conversation in a club/ bar/ house party/ etc. Unfortunately, no one can hang out anymore, people read so much into everything that it gets deep. I know I am not a large proponent of female friends and I will admit that if I invite someone out there is some sort of interest, but its really not that deep. Why waste each others time if we are really not compatible?
Along the lines of reading into things comes the other problem with expectations. This causes hella difficulty because I hear it all the time. Basically everyone has this idea that dates not only don't have to cost money but shouldn't cost money. To me this sucks... I like nice stuff I like to trick off money. I like expensive ass restaurants. Furthermore, if you don't like expensive stuff we prolly can never get along dating anyway because spending money is a favorite hobby of mine. However this always cause trouble because every time I take a girl someplace that seems expensive, people misconstrue money spent with emotions. I mean yeah if I am going to a nice restaurant I would rather go with a woman than my boy, but if we have not been together for a long time I have never understood why someone would be so quick to believe that my spending money was a reflection on them. Hell, especially after you have hung with me for a while you should realize that the money I spend is in no way a reflection on you, it's just what I do. If you want to gauge how I feel, look for other things, like what I say. It is exactly this kind of thinking that gets girls caught up because a brother will figure he can buy his way out of most issues since too many folks equate money with feelings.
The final part of the beginning dating scene that gets me sometimes is the competition. I get it, a lot of people are bitter, folks have had rough experiences. However, let’s leave some of the bag lady/ bag man shit behind. Ok your ex was a gold digger, so now you are mad cause this girl won't accept McDonalds? Come on brother... Ok, you are a strong Black woman, so you gotta have a fist fight with me about the check... well splitting the check. I mean I could deal with it if I bought one dinner and she bought the other, but when the choice is either I pay for both or just pay for me, you’re really not helping me much. Besides, my idea is always u should value yourself enough to think that your body is worth more than a dinner, and please believe that I am not going to figure that you are not leading me on because you paid for your chicken fingers. My thing is just relax… Now days everyone is always trying to fight you on every step, relationships are tricky, people get hurt sometimes, but you still have to relax sometimes… The game is a bitch, but it can be fun sometimes, just don’t take it too seriously. Of course that is my motto.
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