My homegirl once referred to me as her uber intelligent, extra educated, yet grounded homeboy in one of her blogs, and honestly I love that classification (full on cheese everytime I read it... :o) Yet I am fully willing to admit that I can be a touch arrogant from time to time and come off as not exactly grounded. I bring this up only in regards to the current number one gripe I have been hearing from women recently which is that they are sick of educated Black men being so arrogant and expecting women to bow down and yada yada yada... First of all, I have to admit that I sometimes wonder what the hell do you want? If you spend a bunch of time talking about how the educated Black man is all of that, of course you are going to make them into assholes, just as the fine chicks who date wack dudes just because of their job creates even more asshole dudes... However in general I think the story is a lot more basic than that.
like I said, I am a bit arrogant, but its not because of where I went to school, or my job or nothing. I just happen to thing fairly highly of myself. Personally, I like Kanye's definition, "when my self confidence bumps into your insecurity I might seem arrogant." Fortunately my self image isn't really connected to what other folks may think of me as to whether my self image is justified or not. However, whenever the shit tends to go to far and the so-called justification I get is that the problem with educated dudes is that they want to be sweated without recognizing the worth of this equally educated and employed sister. From a surface level I can feel that, except for one issue. Men and women are not the same...
Let me be clear, i am not on all that gold digging shit, and while i have definitely had my broke moments for the most part it is understood that men are supposed to pay for shit when you go out. This is not really news as most people pretty much play by these rules with a couple of occasions of going dutch, thrown in. When things get deeper, most men believe (as I do) that while a couple may work together at the end of the day when things need to be handled it is the man's responsibility to carry the family through financially. It's part of the job, it comes with the territory. It may sound chauvinistic but in general its a fact, if you are a woman dealing with a dude who does not feel that it is his responsibility to take care of you, he aint shit... you can believe that or not but its true.
This is important for the conversation because this is why the educated dude doesn't bend all over backwards and get enamored just because a woman has an education and a job. After all, what difference does how much money a woman is making matter if she is not paying for shit? Yeah it may matter more in serious relationships but when you are just kicking it, that is not a high priority for men. It is more so for women, whether a woman is looking for something serious or shallow a dude with money is a better catch. Therefore he is willing to play his part and spend his money to attract what he is trying to attract. On the otherside then a dude is more interested in looks when he is on shallow shit. If you think about it, the arrogant behavior that women tend to hate in educated men is pretty much the same as you find in fine women, because in the dating world they are closer corollaries than educated men to educated women. Now mind u none of this is to say that you need to deal with that shit, cause I know plenty of dudes that only holla at 7-8s because they can't stand the attitude of a 9-10, but don't act like every dude with a job is on some new shit just because they dont have the same Cosby show fantasies. Also, as an interesting addendum, and this is true for men and women, education and job does not equal personality. So before you write someone off as arrogant or bogus for not recognizing your worth, make sure you're not wack... I mean that's all I am saying...
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